


I'll Make You See A Whole New World

by AnonymouslyDead



Category: Deadpool (all media types), Marvel (Comics), Spider-Man (All Media Types)
Genre: AUs galore, And OOC, M/M, Other, Rating is for deadpools mouth, Tags Subject to Change, a bit like crack, and actions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-30
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2018-12-21 15:39:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 12,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11947329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonymouslyDead/pseuds/AnonymouslyDead
Summary: Ok, so Wade pissed someone off. What else is new?But, that person was Stephen Strange, a sorcerer who's sense of vengeance was bizarre as hell.Now every time that Wade dies/sleeps/loses consciousness, his entire reality shifts. And in every new reality, he ends up meeting up with Spider-Man.Now, the only question is what the hell is going on?Now with an improved chapter 11!4/4/18: Now with a new chapter 14!





	1. Chapter 1

Okay, he will admit it. Getting into an argument with an all powerful sorcerer was a bad idea.

It wasn't Wade's fault though. Strange was the one that summoned Wade up for literary critique of all things. Strange had written up a manuscript for an epic romance novel and wanted a fresh perspective on it. Wade had given a lot of admittedly strong worded constructive criticism. Criticism that Strange did not take well.

Knocking him out though, that was overkill. Wade sat up, groaning. He could remember the loud crack of Strange's staff connecting with his head. Fuck, he'll probably have a headache all day. 

Wade threw back the covers only to freeze. He was in his shitty bed in his shitty apartment. How the fuck did get back to his apartment?

As if things weren't weird enough, bright emerald fire erupted in front of Wade's face, casting the room in a green glow. Out of the flames sprang yellowed, wrinkled paper unfurling to reveal fancy handwriting. 

"YOU DARE INSULT MY ATTEMPT TO BRING ENTERTAINMENT TO THE WORLD? I'LL MAKE YOUR LIFE ENTERTAINMENT!" The parchment proclaimed in bold red ink. 

"My life already is entertainment." Wade said to the floating piece of paper. 

The ink swirled until the words "Fuck you" were spelled across the paper. It was the most effort anyone had ever put into saying those words to him. Wade was almost touched. 

"You call my book a "rotting mess of cliches"?" The ink continued to write. "Fine, but you will learn to regret those words.By the time your life returns back to normal, you'll have learned to appreciate such genius writing." 

Wade looked around his apartment with the paper in tow, always floating behind him. All of his guns and ammo were accounted for. Dirty blood stained clothes were scattered on the floor. The kitchen had pancake mix splattered on the walls and a stack of week old pizza boxes leaning against the wall. 

"Everything seems normal." He told the paper. 

The red ink swirled again. Once it stopped moving, all it read was "You'll see" before it fluttered to the floor, no long a magic piece of paper with sentient ink. 

"That sounds like something that'll come back to bite me in the ass." Wade remarked. He turned to leave. 

Wade let out a startled cry. He stumbled into thin walls, almost punching through it. Blinding pain seared across his chest like someone took a branding iron to his skin, knocking the breath out of his lungs. 

Then, the pain subsided as fast as it started. Wade gasped, clutching at his suit. Once he came to his senses, he unzipped his leather suit and shrugged off the top. 

A trail of stylized spider seemed to crawl from across his chest to his left shoulder and on upward. Wade frowned. Usually, he stared at that same stylized spider on someone else's chest. 

"What the fuck kind of sorcery is this?" 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of angst here

For Strange's brand of magic, the spiders on his chest were pretty harmless. Wade went about his day of lounging around his apartment, waiting to drop dead from whatever curse Strange had graced him with.

Instead, Wade slowly killing brain cells from all the reality television that he was sitting through. He groaned, flipping through the channels for the third time. 

Seriously, how long does it take for a powerful wizard to exact revenge? 

Wade finally tossed the remote just as the television switched to some boring news show. Wade cursed. 

Maybe, eternal boredom was his punishment. God, he would've rathered dropping dead. 

A way too bubbly newscaster smiled at him as he droned on and on about the traffic on Fourth Street. He made some crummy driving joke that even made Wade feel secondhand shame. 

Then, the screen switched to a way to a different newscaster. This one was a chipper woman standing in the middle of a hysterical crowd streaming around her. 

"It seems that yet another battle rages between the infamous Green Goblin and our beloved friendly neighborhood Spider-Man." The woman announced. 

As if on cue, Spider-Man swung into the shot in the background with the Green Goblin close on his tail. Wade perked up at the sight. The cameraman thankfully changed focus to the midair fight. Spidey was swinging from building to building, trying to avoid being hit by Goblin's bomb. 

After a minute of these acrobats, Spidey stopped one rooftop. He sent a web flying just as Goblin threw the next bomb. The web collided with the bomb, sending both crashing into Goblin. Goblin lit up in the night sky in a mini explosion, sending him toppling off of his hover board. Spidey seemed to panic at this. He jumped off of his perch to dive after the man. 

Wade hummed, an idea forming. Spider-Man has experience with weird shit what with him fighting crime with the Avengers and all. Maybe, he'd know something about Wade's spider curse. 

Time to pay his favorite spider based superhero a visit. 

*********************

"Hey, it's the star of the seven o'clock news!" Wade announced on the rooftop. He walked over to where Spidey was crouched by the the edge and plopped down, tossing a greasy bag between them. "I hope all this fame doesn't mean that you've forgotten about us little Pools." 

Spider-Man snorted, eyeing the bag. "Of course, I haven't. You're that Captain Murder guy, right?" 

Wade fake gasped. "I thought we were friends!" Spider-Man laughed, reaching for the bag. Wade slapped his hand away. "No! I don't give tacos to not friends!" 

"Aw, come on, Wade! Of course, we're friends!" Spider-Man whined. 

Wade pretended to consider Spider-Man's plea, secretly pleased to be called Spider-Man's friend. "Okay, you can have a taco, but only because you have a cute butt." 

Spider-Man rolled his eyes, an impressive feat behind a mask. He grabbed a taco out of the bag, rolled up his mask, and dug in. Wade made to do the same only to catch Spidey staring when he rolled up his mask. 

"What? Do I have something on my face?" Wade tried to joke, knowing full well that his mug was a fucked up collection of scars.

"On your neck actually. What is that?" 

"Oh yeah, that. I was going to ask you about that-" Spiderman crawled closer to Wade. He pulled at the collar of Wade's suit, completely ignoring Wade's personal space. 

Wade feel back in shock. "Ok, I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about this-" 

"Wade!" Spider-Man deadpanned. His mouth was drawn tight; he clearly wasn't in a joking mood. 

Wade pushed Spider-Man's hands away and yanked down his suit far enough to show the first of the trail of spiders. "There. Are you happy now?" 

"Deadpool..." Spider-Man's mouth hung open. "You see I pissed off Strange and this was his way of repaying me. Do you have idea what it could be?" Spider-Man's face twisted into a scowl. "This better not be some kind of joke."

Wade frowned. "I wouldn't call my life a joke. Although-"

"Oh." Spider-Man practically deflated in front of Wade. "You're telling the truth. I'm sorry. I just thought that..." Spider-Man laughed weakly. "God, I'm stupid." 

"Spidey, what are you going on about?" Wade frowned, growing concerned. Did he do something to upset Spidey?

Spider-Man shook his head. "Forget it. I'll just go." 

"No, don't run away! I need you to explain this misunderstanding!" Wade rushed to stop Spidey, but Spidey had already jumped off. There was thwip sound as Spidey swung away with all the answers Wade didn't know. 

Wade groaned. Now, he was not only worried and confused; he felt shit, too. 

He should probably go after Spider-Man and see what the hell was up. Wade looked over the roof's edge. 

Then again, Spider-Man could be pretty far away by now. The only way to catch up would be a good twenty story drop. 

Aw, forget. Wade didn't feel like dying quite that much right now. He would just have to catch Spidey tomorrow. Maybe, the space will help Spidey calm down a little and explain. 

So with that settled, Wade flopped on his back to stare up at the starless night sky. "What the shit are you doing, Strange?" 

He didn't get any burning notes full of answers. Wade groaned. 

******************

Peter flopped onto his bed, angrily ripping off his mask. He started stripping off the rest of his costume only to stop halfway through. 

He groaned. It had seemed so obvious, at least from Wade's supposed soul mark. He should've know it couldn't have been that easy to find his soulmate. Now,he's gone and made a fool of himself. 

If only, his own soul mark wasn't so vague. I mean, who doesn't like pancakes?

He traced the heart shaped cake printed on his chest. A stack of butter rested on top while strings of syrup dropped off of it. It reminded Peter of blood from a broken heart. 

Peter quickly found the nearest shirt and shoved it on to cover the mark. He'll probably never find his soulmate, so what use is the damn mark? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried


	3. Chapter 3

Wade was rudely awoken up by an excessive beeping. He groaned, slamming his fist into the annoyance before pulling his sheets over his head in an effort to fall back asleep.

He bolted upright. Wade was pretty sure he fell asleep on a rooftop again. How the fuck did he end up in bed? 

This wasn't even his bed. The sheets were squeaky clean, devoid of the mystery stains Wade was used to. Hell, this wasn't even his apartment. Everything was ordered and perfect with a neat royal blue color scheme and everything. 

He checked his now bare chest for his spider curse only to be shocked. There was nothing on his skin. No spider brand. No scarring. 

He scrambled to his feet, rushing out of the bedroom to the bathroom. He ignored the cheery ocean theme in favor of shoving his face into the large mirror. 

"What the fuck, Strange? You made me hot!" Wade screamed. 

A bright green fire erupted behind him. Wade wasn't even surprised to find Mr. Sentient Floating Piece of Paper. 

"I THOUGHT THAT UPGRADING YOUR OUTWARD APPEARANCE WOULD HELP HIDE YOUR HIDEOUS PERSONALITY." The note read in rushed, scratchy red letters. Wade growled, snatching the paper up and tearing it to shreds. As soon as he was done, the pieces came together, reorganizing themselves back into a full sheet of parchment paper. 

Wade sighed. At least now, he knew he hadn't hallucinated this whole thing. 

He turned back to the mirror. The face that stared back nearly gave him a heart attack again. He dragged his hands against his stubbly, scar free face. His eyes weren't a sickly yellow ; they were now as blue as his bedroom. He even had hair for god's sake. 

He didn't have much time to contemplate what the fuck as the note pushed itself between Wade and the mirror. The hurried red text now read "GO TO WORK".

"I'm employed? How much magic did it take for you to pull that off?" 

"A TON. NOW, GET GOING. I'VE GOT OTHER MATTERS TO ATTEND TO!" 

"Wait, where do I-" The paper puffed into a cloud of mint green smoke. Replacing it was a business card for some place called The All American Bakery (Wade rolled his eyes. He would never understand Americans and their patriotism.) An address and time were printed below the unfortunate name. "Wow, first time that worked in a while." 

Wade wandered back into the bedroom, figuring that showing up half naked would get him fired on his first day. Better to get fired after spending days smuggling day old baked goods. 

He opened the small closet, finding only one outfit inside. Wade frowned. Strange really had no faith in him, did he?

Shrugging the thought off, he put on the blue pinstripe dress shirt, white pants, and red apron the wardrobe provided. He felt like a walking American flag. 

He checked the time on the card, finding that he was supposed to be at the bakery at ten a.m. That was alright. He could deal with that- 

Of course when he glanced at the alarm clock he had abused earlier, the clock read 9:45. Damn vengeful clock. 

Wade rushed out of the front door, through what was apparently his apartment building. He was running out the lobby's front door when he felt the door slam into something. 

Wade glanced back only to stop in his tracks. He didn't know how the hell he missed the other person trying to walk in the building, considering the doors were made of glass, but it looked like he'd knocked some guy on his butt. The papers that Wade assumed he'd been carrying were now being carried away by the wind. 

Wade rushed to help the guy up (He wasn't as a complete asshole despite what people may say.) "Shit, I'm sorry." 

"No, it's my fault. I should've been looking where I was going." The guy looked up at Wade and smiled, managing to look happy despite just being hit by a door. 

Was the world conspiring to kill Wade by heart failure? Because, that's sure what this guy's smile was close to doing. It was all bright teeth with big brown eyes lit up behind crooked glasses. This dork was absolutely deadly. 

He ran a hand through his messy brown hair before throwing another lethal smile Wade's way. He held out his hand. "I'm Peter. It seems we live in the same building." 

It took Wade a minute to understand what Peter said, because Wade's brain couldn't process past ohmygod he's adorable. He finally shook Peter's hand. "I'm Wade." He looked towards the papers that were scattering farther and farther away from the pair, frowning. "I don't think that you're getting those back." 

"Don't worry about it. I was more worried about this than anything." Peter held up a camera hanging from his neck. "I'd be out of a job without this." 

"You're a photographer?"

"Yes. I actually have to go get ready to do a project for the Daily Bugle, but I think that we should hang out sometime since we technically live together and all." Peter chuckled awkwardly at his own joke. God, just take his heart already. Wade couldn't take much more of this. 

Wade remembered that he too had somewhere to be. Shit, he was probably late by now. "Crap. I mean, we totally should, but I just remember that I'm late for work." With that, Wade turned to run. "See you later!" 

Peter stood, watching scrambling away. He laughed as he watched the cute idiot nearly trip over on his feet. 


	4. Chapter 4

Wade burst through the glass door, a heavy trill of a cowbell sounded through the bakery. The few customers waiting line turned to stare in confusion.

"You're late, Wade." The buff blond man behind the counter said in between handing an old woman her bread. 

"Sorry, I- HOLYSHITYOURECAPTAINAMERCIA!" 

"Wade, watch your language!" Captain America apologized to the last customer in the store for Wade's apparently filth mouth before quickly checking them out. 

Once the last customer was gone, Captain America let out a heavy sigh. He turned to where a shell shocked Wade was still standing with his jaw hanging. "I'll be honest with you. At first, I didn't want to hire you, but I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt-" 

"You mean you're understaffed, and desperate? Or did a Doctor Strange bribed you into giving me a job?" Captain America shot him a look. 

"Look, I know this place probably doesn't mean much to you, but this bakery was built by my parents after they moved here from Ireland in search of the American Dream. If you're not going to take this seriously, then I don't want you here disrespecting their memory." 

"No! I'll be good, Captain. I promise!"

"Stop calling me, Captain. Where are you getting that from?" Captain-er-Steve said, frowning. He sighed again, rubbing his temples. "I'm going to let you run the register while I go work on a cake order. Just please don't cause any trouble." 

With that, Steve walked out through a pair of doors into the kitchen, mumbling something probably along the lines of "Why did I even hire this fool?" 

Wade was wondering the same thing, but he shrugged it off, taking his place behind the counter. Time to see what legal employment was like.

A minute went by. Then fifteen. Thirty. 

An hour went by. Wade dropped his head onto his counter, groaning. 

Another hour went by with nothing happening, and Wade was starting to wish Strange had just killed him. How did people do this on a daily basis? 

The cowbell clanged against the door. Wade quickly peeled his face off of the counter, ready to pretend like he knew what he was doing.

"Wade? You work at here?" 

And then, Wade's brain went to mush. Peter's beautiful smile dropped as Wade scrambled to find words. 

"Yes! Yes, I work here." Wade practically shouted. Nice move, asshole. Can he get some death now, please?

Thankfully, Peter laughed, a heavenly sound. "Retail's getting to you, huh?" 

"Yes, that's it." Totally not the fact that even Peter's voice was messing with his head. It seems like he had heard that voice somewhere before. "Anyway, what can I get you?" 

"Actually, I'm here to photograph the place." He said, holding up his camera. 

"Oh, this is the place you were going to photograph. What a coincidence." Or, some cliche that Dr. Strange set up. Now that he thought about it, Strange could be controlling his whole life like his shitty- 

"Actually, I knew you worked here from your outfit. I just didn't say anything." 

Oh. "What other secrets keeping secrets from me? What's next? Are you going to tell me you're secretly an international jewel thief or something?" 

"Shhh, keep it down or the police will catch on." 

Wade laughed. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me." 

"But seriously, what do you want to know?" 

"Well-" 

"Hey, Wade. I forgot to mention that-" Steve stopped in the kitchen door when he saw the two. "Oh, are you the guy from the Daily Bugle?" 

"Yes, I just need a shot of the counter for page eight." Wade might've been imagining it, but Peter's smile seemed a little more lacking than before. He glanced at Wade before directing Steve to stand behind the counter. 

Wade got out of the way, choosing to wait off to the side. But after the first dozen pictures were taken, he was growing bored. 

In the store's silence between clicks of a camera, Wade noticed a faint ringing sound. Curious, he followed the noise into the kitchen. 

He didn't have to look far to find the source. The kitchen was small enough to rival Waffle House kitchens. Wade somehow managed to wedge himself between the dough speckled cabinets and a row of ovens in order to snatch a flour covered cellphone off of the counter. 

Without thinking, Wade hit the button to answer. Before he even put the phone to his ear, he could hear some guy scream-

"WH-ERE THE FUCK *burp IS NATASHA'S CAKE?" 

"Clint, I swear. You need to lay off the margaritas and stop this shit." 

"THIS ISN'T SHIT. IT'S NOt *burp* EVERYDAY MY BEST FRIEN-D RIGHT HERE GRAADUATES FROM THE POLICE ACADEMY! SHE DESERVES A CAKE THAT AINT HERE!" 

"Hold on just one second." Wade said. He squeezed himself out of the kitchen. Steve and Peter turned to look at him. Steve looked like he was about to get angry about Wade having what Wade guessed was he phone, so he shoved it at him. "I don't know who Natasha is, but they really want their cake." 

Wade watched the color drain from his face. He cursed in a very unAmerican fashion before spouting apologies, some into the phone and some at Peter. Peter waved him off, stating he had what he needed. With that settled, Steve rushed into the kitchen and came back out with a red, white, and blue box. 

He rushed out of the store, box in hand, but not before threatening Wade to make sure nothing happened his store or else. At least, that's what Wade got out of the mess of hand gestures and mouthed words that Steve sent him between assuring Natasha she'd get her cake. 

"Well, I guess I'm in charge now. Where were we?" 

"Can I get a chocolate chip muffin? Photography makes me hungry."

*************

"Sorry, that took so long. Those policemen sure can hold you up." Steve announced as he walked back into the store. 

Wade hummed in response. Steve frowned. "Your shift is over. You can go now." 

"Ok." Wade smiled, not looking at Steve. He made no move to leave. Steve had to gentle nudge Wade out the door, so that he could actually lock up. 

Wade blinked, suddenly finding himself outside. Guess it was time to go home. 

He made his way back to his apartment building, heart feeling lighter than air. 

For being all arranged by Strange's magic, this wasn't so bad. Sure, his job was dull as hell, but the cute boy was a nice touch. 

Not to mention, the apartment he had was nicer than he could ever afford. He wandered into said apartment, finding the bedroom again and flopping onto the soft sheets. 

Maybe, Strange did him a favor. 


	5. Chapter 5

Ok, something was going on. Wade realized this when he woke up in a puddle of water.

He sat up and looked around, shocked to find a shit ton of technicolored water. It turned out that his puddle of water was an eye sore of an ocean. 

He stood up, finding that he was in ankle deep water. Wade snorted. It would be just like Strange to try to drown him. 

Speaking of Strange, he sure was playing a shitty game with him. Damn it, Wade had been somewhat happy for once. Then, he decides to Fuck with the entire world and his chances with cute guys for God knows what reason. Not to mention, that dumb sorcerer keeps fucking with his body-

At that thought, Wade checked himself over. He found his normal red and black jumpsuit. However, there was a weird splotchy bulge-and not the good kind- on the left side of his chest where the spiders had been. He tapped on the rock hard object only to cringe at the resulting sensation. 

It was like he had scratched his nails against a chalkboard. Wade ground his teeth against it until the feeling finally went away. 

With a heavy sigh, Wade tried a more gentle approach. He carefully ran his fingers along the curves of the stone. He was surprised to find that he could his finger tips' touch as if he were touching himself. (Wow, was his mind in the gutter today.)

He tried to pull on the rock only to find it was stuck to his skin. It seemed that the weird stone was apart of him like the spiders had been. Wade felt unnerved at the prospect. He already had a bunch of growths trying to wreck his body. He didn't need a weird stone growth, too. 

"Dad!" Wade blinked, glancing around for the source of the noise. Then, he was hit by something tiny running into him.

A little girl nearly knocked him over. She wrapped her arms around his right leg in a death grip that would make Death proud. The little girl looked up at him, and his heart swelled.

"Ellie!" He scooped up the kid, causing her to let out a high pitched squeal. "What are you doing here?" 

"You see, I was on my way to The boardwalk when I ran into this gem monster, so I killed it-" 

"Oh? And, how's you manage that?" Wade asked, amused. Kids and their wild stories. 

"With this." Eleanor yanked up her shirt enough to reveal a rock growing out of her stomach that matched Wade's. If that wasn't startling enough, the black stone splattered in what looked eerily like blood started to glow. Eleanor stuck her hand into the light, producing a knife. "I sliced it up into tiny bits like you do with your katanas. See?" She pulled out a chunk of rock, only adding to Wade's dread. "It's was awesome! But that's not the best-Hey! Why are you putting me down?" 

Wade didn't answer. His legs were starting to shake, so he sat on the sand, burying his head in his hands. 

Why the hell did Strange bring his daughter into this? Why? It was him that supposed to be punished, not his daughter. His daughter didn't deserve the weird body fuck ups that Wade had been getting or for her life to be fucked up that she ended up a slaughter machine like her dad, even if it was only in some Strange concocted universe. 

"Dad? Are you alright?" Ellie poked his leg. 

"I guess." Wade managed. 

"Then, get up! I've got someone coming for lunch!" 

"What? Who?" 

"I guess I should've called ahead then." An all too familiar voice said. Wade looked up only to be shocked once again. 

His hair was a little less messy and looked more like hair off of an anime character. Their glasses were also round now, but otherwise, he had a striking resemblance to one Peter Parker. 

"Your daughter insisted that I come meet you after she killed this weird tentacle thing that almost took my head off." He chuckled as if this was a common occurrence. He held out his hand. "I'm Peter Parker." 

Wade shook his hand. Instead of being completely incapacitated by his cuteness though, all he could think about was how this was fake. 

He had already met Peter. And sure, he was in his Deadpool getup. But, Wade had a voice that people tended not to forget. With all that in mind, why the hell was Peter acting like they had never met? 

What the hell was going on? 

"Do you know my name by any chance?" Wade asked, eyeing him. 

Peter frowned. "Eleanor told me it was Bloodstone." 

Ok, this is getting too weird. "Would you excuse me a second?" Wade didn't wait for an answer before he turned back to the ocean. 

Eleanor pulled on his hand to stop him. "Dad! Where are you going? I got a picnic and everything set up across the beach." In a lower voice, she said, "Come on, Dad, he's cute. You're cute. I'll leave you two alone." She winked. 

Wade could not believe what he was hearing from his daughter. Well, he could. It was his daughter, after all. But still, his daughter was trying set him up with an apparent stranger she had just met. 

Wade shook his head. He gently pried her hand out of his, turning back to the ocean. 

He walked into the water, ignoring the shouting he was getting from the shore. If he woke up in this world in the water, the water might just take him away to the real world. Or at least, a world that didn't look like a children's cartoon. 

He waded out until the water got up to his waist. He sat down with his head barely poking out of the water. 

A second passed. Then, a minute. 

Wade decided this was fucking stupid. Come on, think. How the hell did he end up here? 

Oh right, he fell asleep. He did that the first time, too. Not to mention, Strange kind of made him sleep to get him here. 

A realization popped into Wade's head. He just had to knock himself out to get out of here. 

Wade flopped into the water, letting himself sink below the surface, and waited. 

And, nothing happened. He had been underwater long enough to kill a normal person, and nothing happened. What the fuck?

Then again, he was apparently a rock now. Rocks don't need to breathe. 

Fuck, he's just been wasting his time! Wade thrashed to the surface. Fuck Strange and his stupid magical- 

A scream pierced the air, loud enough that Wade heard it crystal clear despite being pretty far out in the ocean. His heart dropped.

He turned just in time to watch a nauseatingly orange tentacle thrash around the small figure that was presumably Eleanor. 

Rage quickly replaced the dread. He raced as fast as he could through the calm ocean water. 

Oh when he finds his way back to the real world, he is going to murder Strange. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best to keep Deadpool's feelings in order   
> Let me know if something's off


	6. Chapter 6

Wade finally splashed to shore. The headache inducing monster towered over him, an incomprehensible mess of tentacles. One of said tentacles we're currently waving his pride and joy around like a sack of potatoes. 

"Hold on, Ellie! Dad's coming." Wade reached behind himself for the handle of his katana only to come up empty. It took him a second to figure out what happened. 

Damnit, Strange! 

"Use your stone, Dad!" Ellie somehow managed to screech. What the hell does that mean? 

Then, it hit him. Literally, a stone smacked him right between the eyes. 

"Frick!" Someone yelled. The tentacles halted, dropping Ellie. Wade rushed to catch her. 

The tentacles unknotted from a large mass it was into separate tentacles that inched their way towards- 

"Stop, you beautiful idiot!" Wade shouted at Peter. He had a pile of stones in his arms. He threw one after another in an attempt to keep the creeping noodles away from himself. 

However, his efforts were in vain. The stones only stopped them for a second, and Peter quickly ran out of stones. The tentacles took this opportunity attack. 

"Petey!" Eleanor rolled out of Wade's arms. She ran straight back into the mess of orange noodles with a knife she produced out of nowhere. 

"No!" Wade shouted. But, his daughter made quick work of ripping through the nearest noodle. The next one made a swipe at her, managing to knock her knife out her hand, but that didn't bother Eleanor. Her belly rock quickly spit another one into her hands, allowing her to take revenge on the noodle. 

When could his daughter do that? Could he do that? 

"Give me a sword." Wade commanded the stone in his chest. Nothing happened. 

Eleanor stabbed another tentacle. His daughter was good at that, but Wade was getting anxious. "Give me a sword now!" Nothing happened. 

A tentacle managed to sneak up on Eleanor, wrapping tightly around her like an anaconda. Wade was pissed now. "Strange. Stone. Whatever. I know you can hear me. I swear. If you do not give me my fucking sword, the things I will do to you when I get out of her will make the multiverse shake with terror." 

The stone on his chest finally lit up. Apparently, stones listen to threats. 

He copied his daughter's actions and produced a katana. He quickly rushed to his daughter and cut at tentacle. It poofed, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust where it once was strangling his daughter. 

"Thank God, you're safe. Now, would you please stop picking fights with-" 

"Peter!" Eleanor pointed at the spot where the remaining noodles were knotting themselves back up. Shit! 

"I've got this-" Wade made to charge the monster, but Eleanor grabbed his hands curled around his sword. 

"Dad, you'll hit Peter like that!" 

"Ah, shit. What do you want me to do then?" 

"Do like Peter." She picked up a seashell and chucked it at the monster. The hit cause the tentacles to stop writhing. The ends of the tentacles turned towards the two of them like heads. 

That gave Wade an idea. He turned towards Eleanor. "Look, I'm about to do something stupid. I'll make sure Peter is safe, but you'd better run." 

Eleanor nodded, looking determined before running off. With that worry relieved, Wade could enact his plan. 

Wade ran at the monster all the while letting out the most annoying screech he could imagine. He banged the flat of his blade against the monster. 

A tentacle shot at hands, stopping them from continuing his attack. Another wrapped around his head like a makeshift gag. 

It worked. Being annoying worked. 

More tentacles latched onto Wade. Wade dug his feet into the sand and yanked with all of strength. He took a step back. Then, another. The noodle monster began to unknot as he went. 

Slowly, he pulled the monster apart. Wade found Peter in the mess. He was very much alive and able to climb out of the orange mess. 

Wade sighed. At least, was safe now. 

Then, Peter shouted something and pointed at him. He looked down. Orange tentacles were quickly climbing up his body, piling onto of each other like they wanted to bury him. 

Peter ran to him, pulling at the thick tentacles. Wade saw one grab Peter's wrist, yanking him into the growing monster, before the tentacles piled over his eyes. 

Fuck, you stupid hero. Wade struggled against the monster, but it was too late. He was too far in the tentacle tomb to help. 

Fuck! 


	7. Chapter 7

"Deadpool...Deadpool, get up!"

Wade was startled awake. He was rocked into metal door, nearly tossed out the absent window. Then, he was thrown across seats that felt like they were made of duct tape. 

"Damn it! There are Hydra trucks on our tail! Get up and give us cover!" 

Wade looked around. There was a strange rifle resting in on the floor. Wade grabbed it but didn't move beyond that . Around him, disharmonious sound sang out at odd intervals. It took Wade a minute to realize they must be getting shot at. 

"Deadpool!" The man in the driver growled. "Forget it. I'll do it myself. Keep us straight." The man snatched the gun out of Wade's hands. Before Wade could make a joke about his sexuality, the man slammed his hand onto the outside of the vehicle and leapt out.

Wade started. The vehicle swerved and shook over rough terrain. 

"God dammit, Wade, drive!" The man appeared in the windowless window, scaring the crap out of Wade with bug eye goggles and his hidden mouth. There was a bang and a bullet whizzing past his face made Wade think "I should drive." 

Wade clambered into the driver seat. Up front, he could see a wide expanse of sand. Of all the places he's been, all Strange could come up with was sand? No wonder his writing was crap. 

A small black buggie sped into view. They had a bright red octopus looking insignia- one that Wade would've made many hentai jokes about had the gunmen not unloaded half his belt into trying to blow off Wade's head. 

Wade stepped on the gas, pulling ahead of the buggie. He heard something slam hard into the side of the vehicle. 

Wade peeked into the somehow intact rearview mirror only to receive a shock if deja vu. The man was barely hanging onto the side of what looked a massive eighteen wheeler that Wade was driving. In fact, the way he stood with his feet and one palm flat on the truck kind of reminded him of-

Inter-dimensional Spidey! About time we got one of those.

Wade watched this Spidey turn to the Hydra buggie and shoot down both the driver and the gunmen. 

Ok, not very Spidey like. 

Three more carbon copies of the first buggie rolled into the picture. Supposed Spidey managed to shoot out four of their men. 

Ok, what the hell was up? 

"Move over." The man appeared back at the empty window, giving Wade near another heart attack.

"Geez are you bossy. There's no way you're Spidey. Well, there was that-"

The man slammed a gloved hand onto Wade's head. With the other hand, he fired into some Hydra agent's head. The buggie lost speed, falling back as the gunner panicked. 

"Who the hell are you?" Wade yelled. The man chose to ignore Wade's personal space instead. He used Wade as leverage to pull himself into the passenger seat. 

There was a bang and the man cursed. He grabbed his arm, glaring out the window. A large black truck pulled up to the side of their vehicle. 

"I got this." Wade yanked the wheel to the side. The whole truck lurched to the side. The buggie didn't have time to react. Their truck sparked as their vehicles. The force flipped their truck onto its side, allowing Wade to speed away. 

Wade waited for more. All he heard, though, was the roar of the truck's engine. 

Then, laughter. Muffled but familiar laughter of someone wondering how the hell they are alive.

The man pushed up his goggles and unwrapped the fabric around his mouth. 

The way too familiar man smiled and gave a wave. Hi, I'm Peter, but people around here call me Spider-Man." 

Wade's jaw dropped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY I HAVE UPDATED IN A WHILE IVE BEEN BUSY WITH SCHOOL   
> Also feel free to point out what's wrong I wrote this kind of fast


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ya for some blood...and a bit of implied body horror it’s not described though

“You’re Spider-Man?” Deadpool asked.

Peter Parker...er...Spider-Man? sighed. “Yes!” 

“The Spider-Man?” 

“I’ve told you yes at least twenty times now. What’s so hard to understand?” 

“...That You’re Spider-Man.”

“Jesus Christ.” Spider Pete groaned. 

“To be fair though, it’s the only thing keeping me from going stir crazy.” Because, Strange was too lazy to put in some goddamn variety to his goddamn bland as a fucking bland cracker desert.

Spidey sighed. He ran his hands over his face only to hiss in pain. Blood seeped through his dusty jacket. He let out a violent curse. 

“Are you alright?” Wade asked. 

“Yeah. Yeah, just keep driving.” Peter said as he carefully rummages around the backseat with his right arm. 

“What exactly am I looking for? Because, all I see is sand.” 

“Cliffs.” Peter said. Finally, he seemed to find what he was looking for. He settled himself into his seat with a needle and thread. 

Really fucking creative. Wade glared at the ever expansive stretch of sand as it went on. 

And on. 

And on. 

And on. 

And on.

A violent string of curses thankfully broke his concentration. Wade looked back at Peter. 

Blood stained Peter’s arm as he did his best to sew the wound closed. It had to be one of the most jarring things Wade had seen through this shitty adventure. He was used to seeing people bloody and beaten. But, Spidey? Fuck.

The car lurched. From what, Wade had no earthly (nor nonearthly. Can’t forget people like Captain Marvel) idea what exactly, seeing Strange’s kink for sand. 

Not that Wade had much time to ponder it. Peter let out a pained gasp. Wade’s attention snapped to him. 

Oh, god. Nope. Nope. Wade wasn’t even going to describe this. Nope. Nuh uh.

Strange was definitely going to hurt for this though. Really badly. 

Wade carefully stopped the truck as to avoid anymore gore. Peter looked at him weird, though that could be from the major physical trauma. 

“Give it.” Wade said, swiping the needle and the blood slick thread. 

“Wade, we need to go.” Peter tried to keep a straight face, but the pain was clearly getting to him. 

“Not until I fix that.” 

“Wade, I’ll be fine-“ 

“You’ll be dead!” Wade protested. Because dang it, he can’t help it. The more he looked at the pouring wound the more he present it was that Pete didn’t have a healing factor and could very well-

“We’ll be dead if Hydra catches us!” Peter snapped right back. He shoved his right arm into Wade and tried to push himself into the driver’s seat. Which might’ve been effective if he wasn’t so small. 

Wade easily pushed Peter into his seat. Wade quickly grabbed the closest thing to a key- a weird, twisted piece of metal adorned with a spider...Because, why not?-and pulled it out. The engine died, causing Peter to protest harder. 

“Let me help you or I throw it!” Wade said. Peter looked like he wanted to say something, so Wade thrust his clutched hand out the window. 

Peter growled. “Fine!” 

Wade sighed in relief, going to work healing his favorite spider. 


	9. Chapter 9

“Why the long face, Peter?” Wade asked, turning away from the maddening span of sand.

Peter, however, wasn’t in the mood to entertain. He kept a steady glare out the window. His brown eyes scanned the horizon behind them, probably looking for something to gripe about. 

Wade was about to scream from boredom. Then, Peter let out a mighty string of curses. 

“Hydra is sending reinforcements. Drive!” Peter barked out. 

Of course, the truck decides to let out a weird gurgle. The gurgling heighten to a heart-stopping pop before lurching to a stop. 

“Fuck!” Peter yelled. He kicked at the dashboard which did nothing to help. He looked at the rear view mirror where the Hydra buggies were catching up to them, and his face twisted to absolute terror. 

Peter climbed into the backseat. He did a weird series of knocks and a hatch popped open. “Get in.” He gestured at the new hole in the floor. 

“What?” 

“Get In!” He snapped. “I’ll do what I can to hold them off. When they leave, run for the cliffs.” 

“What? No! None of that sacrificial bullshit!” Peter opened his mouth to protest, so Wade did what he did best. 

Something stupid. 

Wade snatched the gun and hopped out of the vehicle. In the shrinking distance between them and Hydra’s forces, Wade fired at the approaching cars. 

He managed to shoot out some of the buggie’s tires. In a glorious mass of destruction, a trio of their buggie’s crashed into each other. A couple flipped over and presumably killed the Hydra men inside. 

Except, there were still half a dozen buggie’s closing in when his gun ran out with a click. Wade let out a series of nasty curses. 

“Wade here!” Peter tossed him a box before a buggie drove past them. There was the bang and a cry from Peter. Then, the buggie passed, and Peter was slumped across the truck’s seat. 

That’s where Wade saw red. Wade ripped open the box, finding bullets like he hoped. He quickly jammed them into his gun and picked off the nearest buggie drivers. 

He hopped in to the now vacant cart. He found a huge gun with a large drum of bullets. Wade smiled. 

He quickly gunned down the rest of the men before ditching the gun. Once there was nothing left to kill him, he ran back to Peter’s truck. 

“Peter?” Wade asked. Peter didn’t respond. He laid still with his leather jacket tied tightly around his chest. Blood seeped out from under the jacket bandage. “No no no. Don’t do this, Pete.” 

Wade carefully scooped up Peter, causing Peter to stir. 

“Wade-“ He groaned. 

“Stay with me buddy. We’ll get you help.” Wade assured him, though he doubted his own words. 

He put Peter in the passenger seat of the nearest buggie, shoving away any dead Hydra men he found. He then climbed into the driver’s seat and took off. His hands shook as he fixed his eyes on the horizon. 

“Cliffs-“ Peter groaned. 

“Yeah, buddy. Cliffs.” Wade said as grand red cliffs grew around them, soon towering over them. Wade could’ve kissed Strange in that moment. 

Instead, Wade’s vision decided to swim. He frowned, wondering why his chest felt so wet. He looked down. 

His shirt was soaked red from multiple pouring bullet wounds. Wade’s eyes widened. He stepped on the gas pedal, willing the cart to go faster. 

They sped through the cliffs where clay homes sprung out along the walls between the black spots developing in his vision. It’s only when he sees the big flag with what Wade recognized as the Avengers symbol does Wade let himself black out from blood loss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIVE MATES   
> I finally got into it and finished the mad max au wooo
> 
> Sorry about the wait shit came up and I had writers block with this concept but now I think I might have the shit to finish this thanks for your patience


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How's that for cheese?

Wade regained conciousness with his face pressed against something cold and shiny. He peeled his face off the surface to discover it was a gold colored countertop. In front of him, wall of liquor bottles gleamed in the low light while a fancy bartender gave him a weird look.

Wade blinked. Why the fuck was he at a bar? It's not like he could get drunk. Wade got up from his barstool and left. He heard a strange clack clack clack as he walked along with a the feeling of fabric brushing his legs. 

Wade frowned and looked at himself. He was in a ruby red dress with a really low chest slit and leg slits sky high. Thankfully, his skin was scar free, so all he had to show was skin. Wade also found he was wearing matching heels, bracelets, and gun holster, hidden under the little fabric covering his hips, with a gun included.

He had to admit. Strange has style. 

Wade strunted out of the bar into a larger, noiser room. Around him, gamblers threw their money away into slot machines, on card tables, or on the overpriced drinks waitresses were passing around. 

A casino. Why the fuck did Strange put him in a casino?

"Pool, I've spotted the Carino brothers. They're at the blackjack tables." A familar voice hissed in his ear.

A wave of leftover panic struck Wade at the voice in his ear. "Peter, are you alright?" He all but shouted back, earning a few odd looks in the process. 

"Codenames, Pool! And, keep it down or you'll make a scene." Peter hissed. 

"But, are you alright?" Wade pressed. He had to know. 

"Of course, I'm alright. This is just a recon mission. No engaging." There's a bit of noise before. "Are you alright? Why are you so nervous?" 

No. No, he wasn't. Because, the last Peter he met was bleeding out in a dirty car. The third was probably crushed to death. The second was probably wondering where the fuck he was, and the first probably resented him. Wherever he went, shit seemed to go south.

"No. No. I can't do this." Wade somehow managed to say with a calm he certainly didn't have. 

"Pool? Are you-"

"Peter, the missions is off. Go home." Wade interupted , holding the ear piece as he walked towards the front exit.

"What? No! We need to do this! How else are we going to learn about their drug cartel?" 

"Peter, I'm serious. This isn't up for debate. Leave now!" 

"That's Spider to you, and I'll just do this without you if I have to." 

"Peter, no!" Wade could hear a bit of movement through his ear piece. Wade heard a quick oh shit before hearing gunshots each through the casino. A familar pained groan hissed in his ear.

"Shit! Pete!" Wade turned and made a beeline for where the gunshot sounded. He shoved his way through the crowds of panicking patrons running for the exit. Once he broke free, he found his way into an alcove at the left side of the room lined with lined with blacckjack tables. Five stereotypical mafia goons were circled around something, guns at the ready. 

Wade tried to sneak in, but his heels continued to make a loud clatter with each step. The goons quickly turned, poising to blow his brains out. Wade quickly ducked behind a table before the shooting started. Wade whipped out his own gun and got to work picking off the goons one by one. 

As soon as the last goon hit the blood splattered floor, Wade ran to where the goons had circled. As he feared, Peter was laid slumped against the wall, completely motionless. 

"Fuck." Wade groaned. "FUCKFUCKFUCK!" Wade kicked a whole wall. He knocked nearest table over, strewing game pieces everywhere. He smashed a chair into pieces. Now if f only those chair pieces were Strange's brains...

Wade turned back to Peter's corpse, slamming his fist into another table. "Damn it, you beautiful idiot, why are you always like this? You stubborn bastard!" Tears pricked the edges of Wade's eyes. 

A gasp caught Wade's attention. He saw Peter's dead lips curl into a weak smile. 

"You think I'm pretty?" The corpse joked. 

"You...dirty bastard." Peter's corpse laughed, sounding more and more lively by the second. "You fucking bastard! I thought you were dead!" 

Peter knocked against his chest. "Bulletproof vest under the suit." He smiled.

"What?' Wade asked dumbly?

Peter just pulled himself to his feet, wincing. "That's gonna hurt later." He looked at Wade. " I don't know about you, but I could use a drink. You in?" 

"You almost died!" 

Peter waved it off. "I knew you would come to my rescue." He frowned. " Is that a no on the drink?" 

"I shouldn't." Wade said. Wade should get away from Peter before something else goes wrong. 

"Oh." Peter looked dissapointed. "Alright." Wade wanted to change his answer then and there, but the better part of him made him turn away from Peter-

Right into our old friend, Mr. Sentient Paper. This time, the paper screamed out "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? SAY YES!" in bold red letters. 

Wade sighed. "Fuck it. Let's get wasted." 

******************************************************************************

They went to a nearby, not crime-ridden bar. Wade had to bullshit his way through the first couple of drinks where Peter only seemed to want to reminisce over past missions over whiskey and act like he wasn't about to either mentally break down or swoon over Peter's recollections. Because, fuck. The way Peter recounted their missions made Wade sound so special, borderline heroic. They sounded like the perfect pair, and that gave Wade a weird fuzzy feeling inside. 

But, they soon lost track of how much booze they drank. That's when shit went..well...

Suddenly. Peter slapped his hand on Wade's shoulder. It took him a few tries to get a good grip on it. "Dude. Dude, I gotta tell you somethin." Wade turned from his next shot to look at Peter. "You're in a dress."

"I know. I woke up like this. Aren't I pretty? " Wade giggled, running a hand in his hair-HOlY SHIT, HE HAD HAIR. WHAT THE FUCK?

"Fuck no, you look fucking hot. Like, fuck man." Peter had his hands up, waving them like he was trying to quantify Wade's apparent hotness.

"Says the hot ass in the 007 cosplay." Wade quipped back, slurping down his whiskey. Half of it dribbled down his face to stain his pretty dress.

"Yeah? Well, you always look hot, so there." Peter said, sticking his tongue out like a child. 

"Did I mention your ass is great?" 

Peter groaned. "Just admit it. You know you're smoking." 

"I will when you accept you're a cute nerd." 

"I'd kiss you right now if I could." Peter said before letting out a hiccup. 

"What's stopping you?' Wade challenged. Peter grinned, leaning in and completely missing Wade's face. he ended up with his face in Wade's neck.

"I'm too drunk." Peter whined into his neck, not bothering to move. 

Wade clumsily patted Peter's head. "That's alright, buddy. We can kiss later when we aren't out of our minds."

"You promise?"Wade chuckled at how hopeful Peter .

Then, a pop sounded along with a cloud of shiny confetti raining down on them. The two jumped away from each other, looking around wildly. 

The bartender stood over them with a confetti popper in hand. Wade squinted at the man. He could've swore their bartender looked different. For one, he didn't have a beard. Nor, a cape. Or, maybe the bartender did have a cape. He wasn't going to judge.

"It's about fucking time, Wade." The man said, turning to grab a bottle from the extensive collection lining the walls. 

That voice. Wade's alcohol ridden brain put a name to the voice. "You." He pointed a shaking finger at him. "You're a douchebag." 

The man rolled his eyes. "Your punishment is over, Wade. Time to go back home." With that, the man raised the bottle. Before Wade could react, he smashed it over Wade's head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m tired so I’m sorry for the errors/ fact that it possibly doesn’t sesnse I may fix it later


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You you may want to go back a chapter and read it seeing as I rewrote it 
> 
> Also if you’re a commentor that goes by Someone who cares I still wanna know HOWS THAT FOR CHEESE

Wade blinked awake, groaning. He pressed his hand into his pounding head, feeling particularly shitty. Then, Wade had the displeasure of seeing the man- Dr. Strange, his now sober mind provided- standing over him.

So, Wade did the first thing that came to mind: He leapt to his feet and lunged at Strange, hands going straight for his throat. 

Strange didn’t even flinch. He just flicked his hand at Wade, and Wade felt his body freeze in place mid-lunge. He couldn’t move any muscles below his neck. 

So, Wade did the second thing that came to mind. 

“What the fuck? What the shit, you sadistic fuck?”

“Now Wade-“ 

“You bucket of elephant piss!” 

“Really, is this really appropriate-“ 

“You’re like a moldy shit stain on Java the Hutt’s hello kitty panties!” 

Strange sent an annoyed glare at him. He flicked his wrist again, and it was like Wade‘s lips were glued together. Wade made a few muffled protests, trying to unseal them to no success. 

“Much better.” Strange smiled. “Now, listen. I actually had some time to think things over while you were...out, a little downtime between being Sorcerer Supreme and all. Well, I was watching over your punishment, and...well.” Strange made a fancy flourish with his hand, producing a small paperback novel in the air in front of him. He grabbed it and practically shoved the book in Wade’s face. 

“How to Fall in Love in a New Dimension.” The cover proclaimed in fancy black cursive followed by “a novel by Stephen Strange.” In smaller print.” Wade rolled his eyes. 

But, it was the rest of the cover that really caught his eyes. The cover art depicted a series of little blond men walking across the cover. Each man seemed to differ drastically from the next along with their environment.

Wade’s eyes widened as he realized what the fuck it was. He let out an angry muffled noise and tried to twist out of his binds. He stayed as still as ever though.

“You should be happy. It’s a bestseller in over 20 dimensions.” Strange said. Wade just glared at him, so Strange pulled out his phone with a sigh. “Here. I even got a few opinions from a few of the guys. Maybe, that’ll cheer you up.”

Strange scrolled through his phone. “Best book of the 21st century”, Steve writes. How nice, though I’m not surprised. Compared stuff like Fifty Shades of Grey?” Strange huffed and waved it off. Wade rolled his eyes. “Tony writes, “My girlfriend loved this book so much. You’re a lifesaver.” Aww.” 

“Let’s see what else.” Strange scrolled some further down. “Hulk writes, “HULK SAD. HULK CRY.” Huh, Well, he probably read that apocalyptic chapter. Nasty stuff, am I right?” Strange nudged Wade, chuckling. Wade wished he could move in that moment, so he could stab him.

“Oh, look! Peter got his copy...” Strange suddenly stopped. He looked at Wade awkwardly. “Oh...shit. Well, I’m going to let you deal with that.” 

Wade squawked at him, outraged, but Strange waved him off. “I’ll send you home now. Next time, please do everyone a favor, and keep your literary critiques to yourself.” With that, Strange snapped his fingers.

In a flash, Wade was back in his shitty apartment. He was free to move both his body and his mouth. He looked around and found no sentient papers, Strange, or technicolor killer noodles. 

But just in case Strange still has an ear on him, Wade yelled, “I’M GOING TO TAKE A STEAMING SHIT ON EVERY COPY OF THAT DAMN BOOK!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just an epilogue or two left now thanks for sticking around.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I KEEP CHANGING CHAPTERS! I was having abit of trouble as to where this fic should go but now I think ive got things back on track. Thank u for your patience and your support!

Wade was pacing around his shitty apartment for what felt like the millionth time in the last God knows how long. Never in his life had his life felt so absolutely fucked up-

Ok, that was a fucking lie, but the point still stands. 

He really wanted to do something about it, but fuck, anything he thought to do was way out of the question. He couldn't go punch the shit out of Strange. Strange would probably just poof him back to his shitty apartment. Hell, going out was out of the question. With his luck, he'd probably run straight into Spidey, and he really didn't want to open that can of worms yet. 

So, there Wade was, struggling not to take his frustration out on his apartment. And considering the east wall had half a dozen bulet holes alreasy along with a series of gouges he made with his knife, he was not getting his safety deposit back. 

Wade growled in frustration and punched the wall. He felt a few bones in his hand break along with the thin plaster in the wall. 

...Well, that did absolutely nothing. Wade groaned louder. What the hell was he going to fucking do?!

He flopped face down onto his shitty worn couch, feeling tired of this bullshit. But instead of feeling the sweet embrace of the nice stained cushions, he felt something crush under the weight of his chest. 

Wade cursed and pulled the mystery item out from under himself. He was about to toss it away when he realized he'd never seen the thing before. Wade frowned at the crushed cardboard box. He felt something move around inside as he shifted the box about. 

Wade ripped it open. He found a crumpled paper and a felt box inside. He flipped open the box. A sparkling opal ring rested inside. 

Wade frowned. He turned to the paper for answers.

"Hi, Wade!" was scrawled out in scratchy handwriting. "I felt like you could use a hand, so I present to you here the Ex Machina Ring! With this ring, you'll be immune to everything including Strange's mighty, fantastical...err his magical powers, I mean. Take it, and beat the fuck out of Strange. Hurry! You're my only hope of ending this! - With love, A.D." 

Wade raised an eyebrow, still frowning. "Who the hell is A.D.?" He asked. He looked ahead at nothing. “Is that you?” No one answered. He took it as a yes. 

Wade shrugged. He had nothing to lose, so he slipped the ring on his middle finger. It fit perfectly.

As soon as he put it on though, the gem glowed an emerald green. The light spread like fire across his hand and up his arm. Wade panicked and tried to yank the ring off. However, the ring was stuck on his finger as if it had suddenly shrunk a size too small. 

The light was now up to his shoulder. Wade hurried to grab his knife and put his hand on the coffee table. He aimed the knife's point just below the ring band and drover it down. The bounced against the green light. 

Wade frowned. He tried again with more force. The knifepoint snapped against the light, the severed half of the blade falling useless onto the table. 

Wade blinked at the scene. Then, he looked down at himself. The light had spread across his chest and was working its way down his legs. 

Wade let out a laugh. Strange was going to fucking get it now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so the endings gonna be longer than I thought lol hopefully next chapter or so we can close this right 
> 
> I’d like some feedback on this if possible I tried my best but it might be a bit wonky


	13. Chapter 13

Wade was thankful for Google Maps. The handy dandy app made hunting down Strange’s address incredibly easy. It was practically everywhere along with his book.

Though, the Gothic style mansion Strange was holed up in was less than inconspicuous. He probably could’ve found it by it’s pretentious douchebag air alone. 

And, it’s that pretentious douchebag air that will turn into his downfall. Upon circling the house, he found a series of overgrown vines that climbed high up the house. They formed the prefect makeshift ladder up to the roof. 

Once he was on the roof, he pulled a small explosive, planning to make a big entrance, only to find a the perfect skylight to crash through. Wade walked over it and looked down. He could see the top of Strange’s head directly under him. 

Wade smiled. This was too good. All he’d half to do is-

Wade was suddenly falling. All to soon, he smashed into the hard tile floor. But for once, he peeled himself off the floor without the pain of shattered bones. 

There was a snap of a book being slammed closed. Wade looked up. Strange towered over him, looking surprisingly calm. 

Wade kicked out Strange’s feet. Strange stumbled back, giving Wade time to scramble to his feet and pound his fist into Strange’s eye. 

Suddenly, Wade’s muscles seized up. He felt his legs move against their will, backing Wade up a few paces away from Strange before freezing him in place. 

“I see you got my invitation.” 

Thankfully, Wade’s jaw wasn’t frozen, so it could fall open. “You dirty imposter! How dare you!?”

“Please, who did you think it was?” Strange asked, amused. 

Wade didn’t answer. He only sent a glare Strange’s way, but that only seemed to make Strange more amused. 

Though, Strange didn’t look like he had much to be amused about. His left eye was swelling up nicely but so was his lip, oddly enough. A tiny bit of blood beaded up from where something split said lip. There was a series of angry red marks around his temple and cheekbones that would soon be a collection of nasty bruises. 

Wade frowned. He was about to ask about it, but then, Strange decided to get in Wade’s personal space. 

“Get away from me!” Wade growled. Yet, Strange stayed close. With an amused huff, he poked Wade in the forehead. 

Wade’s limbs dropped from the freezing spell, but it was like all the energy was drained from him. He wanted to push Strange away, or better yet, punch him some more. But, the slightest movement made his vision swim with black spots. Soon enough, his legs gave out from under him and he gave in to the wave of exhaustion.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IM SORRY I KEEP DOING THIS   
> I rewrote this chapter bc the last one I had didn't really make sense Idk if this makes much more sense but it made me feel better so here

Wade was startled awake with a bang. That bang was his head hitting a table.

Pain erupted in his skull, like he didn't have enough problems with his head already. Wade let out a muffled whine. He tried to move his arms to rub his aching head, but they still felt like uncooperative jelly. 

Wade heard Strange yell and then something smashing into the floor. Pieces of what Wade guessed was something expensive sprayed Wade in the face and chest. Strange came into Wade's vision scowling. Strange let out a frustrated groan before he took ahold of Wade's arm. He gave Wade an angry yank forward. 

Wade felt himself jump forward and hit the floor with a thud. Then, he was moving somewhat steadily. He felt cold floor tiles grate against his back. Overhead, he watched as the broken skylight moved farther away as he was slowly dragged to the far side of the room. 

The two stopped after a minute. Wade looked up to see Strange producing an ornate key from nowhere. Strange proceeded to shove the key into the wall. The wall let out a sound like grinding gears as an opening folded open in the wall. 

And then, Wade was being manhandled again. He was now dragged into a dim room. Weak lanterns illumatiated the towering stone walls over head. Wade felt the floor change from tile to rough concrete that scraped against the fibers of his suit. Wade was dragged along it for a few more seconds before Strange finally dropped his arm. He walked around to Wade's left side, looking around. 

"Spider-Man? Where are you?" Strange called out. His voice echoed off the cavernous walls, his only response. Then, he looked up and smiled. 

Wade heard a panicked strangled noise as something red slammed into the floor next to him. Strange let out a tsk. "You may have got me once, Spider-Man, but I assume you it won't happen again." 

Strange made a point of rolling Spider-Man over. Then, he clapped, looking down at the two of them. "Ok, you gentlemen are probably wondering why you two I brought you two here. " 

"You mean why you tricked Wade into coming here after I kicked your ass?" Spider-Man spat.

Wade went to defend himself only to find he was still magically gagged. Well, fuck. Wade let out an angry scream except it only sounded like a low hum. 

Strange frowned down at him. "You should really check your attitude, Spider-Man." "Why should I? You wrote shitty fanfiction about me and published it!" 

Strange groaned. "I told you already. I only wrote what Wade here was doing in the multiverse. Talk to him about it."

Spider-Man started to say something, but Strange clapped his hands again. Suddenly, Spider-Man was struggling to speak past muffled noises. 

Strange smirked. "So like I was saying, I brought you two together, so you two can get your shit together. In doing so, I hope that you two will leave me alone." Strange turned and walked back toward's the room's entrance. "Of course, you two will not be allowed to leave until you two are settled so...yeah." With that, Strange walked out. The entrance folded closed with a click, intergrating seamlessly with the rest of the wall before disappearing.


	15. Chapter 15

“You think that this is like Strange’s sex dungeon?” Wade asked after a few minutes of staring at the wall.

“What?” Spider-Man spat out. 

“I mean this looks kind of like some Fifty Shades crap. It’s a weird room. I think I see some chains on that wall over there. Oh, do you think he has-“ 

“Deadpool, don’t you dare finish that sentence!”

“Sorry, it’s just that laying still and staring at nothing in silence was getting old. I had enough of that in the desert.” 

“What? You know what? Never-mind.” Spider-Man groaned. “Just give it a minute. The spell wears off.” 

So, Wade waited rather impatiently. Then, all the feeling in his limbs rushed back to him. It was like he was never cursed at all. 

Wade clambered to his feet. He looked around, but all he found was stone walls and bare concrete floors. There was enough room to stretch his limbs at least. 

“Well, what now, Spidey?” Wade turned to watch Spider-Man get to his feet. He took a second to look around only to shrug in response. “I guess we’re stuck in Strange’s sex dungeon then.” 

“Would you stop putting that image in my head?” Spider-Man snapped. He sighed. “Don’t you have anything on you? In your pockets or something?” 

“No, all I have is-“ Wade dug around his utility belt. He found some loose bullets, a half eaten taco, a package of Hello Kitty band-aids-

“Oh, I forgot about this!l Wade said. He pulled out a block of plastic explosive. “We can just blow our way out of here like I did at that club in Jacksonville.” 

“....there are several reasons why that is a horrible idea.” 

“Well, I don’t see you coming up with any ideas.”

Spider-Man seemed to roll his eyes behind his mask. He walked up to the east wall and started climbing up it. 

Well, that was fine. Wade could do his own shit, too. He turned to the far west wall and got to work. 

“You found something?” Spider-Man called after a bit. 

“Yes actually.”

Spider-Man looked down but couldn’t see anything besides Wade’s back. “What is it?”

“Come see it!” 

Spider-Man sighed, but he repelled down on a web. He walked up to Wade who was still facing the wall. “What is it?” 

Then before he could react, Wade’s strong arms were practically smashing him into Wade. He struggled,but Wade managed to hold him in place. Spider-Man tried to let out a “What the fuck?!”, though his face were pressed against Wade’s muscly chest. 

“Pre-escape bro hug!” Wade shouted. Spider-Man made a angry noise, trying to pry himself away harder now that he had that stupid excuse. Wade had a death grip on him though. 

“Would you stop moving? Just give it a sec-“ Wade was cut off by a deafening blow. The two were thrown back onto the floor from the force of the blast. 

Spider-Man hit the floor hard followed by Wade landing on him. Dust and rubble decorated their suits. Spider-Man cursed. 

“This is why I told you no C-4!” Spider-Man snapped loudly. He shoved Wade off of him. 

Wade hit the floor beside him with no protest or snappy comeback. Spider-Man frowned and looked. 

He was greeted to the horrid sight of charred flesh and open wounds exposed between gaps in Wade’s suit. He could smell the smell of blood roll of his body in nauseating waves. 

“Goddamnit Wade!” Spider-Man spat out while trying not to gag. He fired his webs at Wade to cover up the gore before hefting Wade’s body up. 

In front of Spider-Man, there was a large hole in the wall amid burn marks and clouds of smoke, greeting them with a view of New York’s evening skyline. 

“At least, you got us out.” Spider-Man said to the limp corpse as he dragged it out of the blast site. Once out, he maneuvered Wade onto his back. He shot a web onto a nearby building and swung deeper into the city. 


	16. Chapter 16

Wade blinked awake to a strange rooftop under him and a fading sunset painting the sky above him much to his despair.

“No. No no no no.” Wade groaned. 

“Deadpool?” Spider-Man asked, concerned. 

Wade sat up only to bury his face in his hands. “Strange, you fucking jackass.” 

“Deadpool. Are you okay?” 

Wade looked at Spider-Man for a second before turning away from him. “Just leave me alone.” 

“Deadpool-“ Spider-Man put a hand on his shoulder but Wade shrugged him off. 

“Just go away. You’ll be better off that way.” 

“Deadpool, what the fuck are you talking about?” Spider-Man frowned. 

“I’ve gone through what? Six Spider-Men? Peter Parkers? Whatever they’re called. And, I’m just going to keep looping on and on through them.” Deadpool said, throwing his hands up. “It wasn’t enough that Rock Pete was crushed by tentacles and Desert Pete bled out in front of me. Apparently, he had to blow up another one, too!”

Spider-Man blinked. “...Are you joking?” 

“Does it sound like I’m joking?” Deadpool snapped. 

“You’re saying shit from Strange’s weird book.” Spider-Man said, not amused. 

“...Wait, you know about that?” Deadpool asked. 

“Yeah, that’s why we ended up in the “sex dungeon”.” Spider-Man said, going as far as to make air quotes. 

“So you’re alright? I didn’t blow you up?” 

“No, your dumbass took most of the damage.” Spider-Man shoved Deadpool with his foot. 

Deadpool just sighed. “At least, you’re safe.” 

Spider-Man sat next to Deadpool. He stared ahead at the dimming skyline. “So, the book’s plot actually happened to you?” 

“I guess.” Deadpool shrugged. “How detailed was that book?” 

“Enough to know you must despise sand.”

“Then, pretty damn accurate.” Wade shrugged. But then, a thought popped into Wade’s head. “Hey, can I ask you something?” 

“What?” 

“Is your name actually Peter?” 

Spider-Man stayed quiet for a while before sighing as if to say fuck it. “Yes. Yes, it is.” 

“And you’re really a cute nerd?”

Silence passed for a second before-

“Do you actually think that of me?” Spider-Man asked as if he didn’t believe it. Well, that just wouldn’t do. 

“Of course, I do! If what I’ve seen of Parker is anything like you, then you must be a cutie. Plus, you understand both Star Wars and Star Trek references, making you a nerd.” Deadpool leaned in. “Don’t deny who you really are, Petey.” 

Spider-Man laughed and shoved him away. “Don’t ever call me that again.” 

“Petey PetePetePete.” 

“Jerk.” Spider-Man pouted. 

“Oh, calm down. At least, you don’t have my name. Wade Winston Wilson. Quite a tongue twister.” 

Spider-Man laughed. “That’s your name? And, you’re calling me a nerd?” 

Deadpool shoved him, trying to hold back laughter. “Oh fuck you.” 

They sat on the roof, chatting awhile. But soon, the last bit of light was replaced by the city’s many electric lights.

“I guess you have to bug out now. I’ll leave you to your crime fighting.” Deadpool said, standing up. He dusted off all the dust that accumulated on his leather suit as he started to walk off. 

“Wait!” 

Deadpool stood and looked at Spider-Man, curious. Spider-Man’s mask eyes stared blankly at him. “Hello? Spidey?” 

“W-would you want to catch a movie sometime?!” Spider-Man finally spat out. Deadpool blinked. 

“Careful there, Spidey. Sounds almost like you’re asking me on a date.” 

“I-I just thought we could get to know each other a little better. You seem a lot more complex than how everyone else makes you out to be.” 

“I don’t know. Merc with a mouth sums me up pretty well.” Wade joked, though he was freaking on the inside. 

“Wade!” Spider-Man whined. 

“Sorry, I’m just not sure how to react, considering everything that just happened.” 

“I’m sorry. This was horrible timing. Forget I said anything.” 

“No no!” Wade quickly said. Because like hell, he’d say no to a date with a potentially real Spidey. “How about this? If I don’t wake up in a backwards wonderland tomorrow, I’ll gladly say yes.” 

Spider-Man nodded. With that, Deadpool headed home. 

**********************

The next morning, Wade woke up to cursing New Yorkers and congested traffic. His crappy apartment was as messy and gross as ever. And no matter how much Wade searched, he couldn’t find any burning pages or other weird shit. 

Wade couldn’t have been happier. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried mates I may come back and fix up the end but for now this is it my dudes I finished hallelujah! 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who supported this y’all are the reason I finished this and I appreciate it ^u^

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ^u^  
> Leave kudos if you liked it  
> Comment your thoughts if you'd like they make my day! 
> 
> Also if you have an au you'd like to see please comment it


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